Epic Rap Battles of History

Drupal vs. Wordpress

(No, ChatGPT didn't write this, though I was inspired by Redditors who used GPT to write Epic Rap Battles. I tried it, but no matter how much I tweaked the prompts I couldn't get a result I liked. Their insults would stay at a pretty generic level, and GPT kept wanting to make them have some kumbaya moment at the end.)

Round One... BEGIN!

Drupal

Droop Dogg is here, have no fear guys and gals,
When it comes to websites, D-R-U is your pal.
The CMS King, no debate, I'm the best,
WordPress you're a mess, just a Work-In-Progress

I'm customizable for every need and desire,
Rolled out in '01, set the tech world on fire
Security? I got it, no shit's gettin in
But /wp-admin is a hacker's best friend

All you need is a blog? WP is for you...
Or maybe Wix, Weebly or Squarespace will do
Competition is tight in the old "blog-o-sphere"
Competing with me? Pfft, get the fuck out of here.

Need an actual site? Build it on my big framework
Cuz with Enterprise sites, I'm your Captain, James Kirk
You've tried to keep up, tried to narrow my lead
Now sit back and hold on. "Mr. Scott - warp speed!"

WordPress

Back it up now Drupal, time to give me that mic
You talk a big game but your users are like...
..."I can't even use this", "what's this shit", "too complex!"
Your UI is bloated, yet you call me a mess.

Drupal, you're cute, but you're so not mainstream,
Gotta know how to program just to make a new theme.
Right out of the box, I'm so easy to use.
I got plugins and widgets, I do multisite too.

And speaking of cute, yo D what's that logo?
A blue baby? Blue demon? Blue alien? Or... no...
It's one of the Teletubbies, but I don't even know
If it's Tinky, or Dipsy, or Laa-Laa, or Po.

I'm a one stop-shop, ain't no site I can't do
You say I'm just blogs, but you know that's not true
Of the web's CMS's I have a 60 percent share
Good luck keeping up, but you don't have a prayer.

Drupal

Yo, Wordpress, your rap's as weak as your core
I'm the heavyweight champ, who you tryna score?
I'm a powerhouse, a fortress, no vulnerability
While your plugin shitshow's a goddamn liability

Need to translate your content? Je parle français
And I'm WCAG compliant since '09 by the way.
My control panel's confusing? Sure, if you're coming from Wix.
Doesn't take much brain power when you're just posting pics.

You throw around numbers, you got 60 percent,
But your users are bloggers, mine? Governments.
I got NASA and Tesla, GE, Mickey D's,
Harvard, Yale, Princeton... hell the whole Ivy League,
I got Smith & Wesson, got the WWE,
Got NBC Sports, Weather Channel, Lamborghini,
Yep all of their websites are powered by me!
You can brag all you want but we both know the truth,
I'm old but I'm winning, you're just long in the tooth.

WordPress

You keep saying I'm like Wix or Squarespace,
Well here's a big word that I'll press in your face:
Gutenberg baby, yeah I had them first,
They make my great UI better. Yours? Can't get any worse.

You listed your users, that's an impressive list
And I was kinda surprised at the one that you missed
The White House website, it was on Drupal too,
Til they switched it to me when they got tired of you.

So keep talkin' your shit, but remember your place
I'm the champ of this game, I'm the winner of this race.
You tried to keep up but you can't match my pace
With your blueberry shaped head and dumb grin on your face.

Strapi

Now what have we here, these two sound unhappy.
Stop measuring dicks, you're equally crappy.
I'm Strapi and scrappy, I'll beat both you grandpappies,
I'm a headless pimp daddy, my users are happy

I'm user friendly and I'm API driven
Line me up with your endpoint, I'll assume my position
At the top of the JAMStack that's where I belong
And I'll still be here long after you two are gone

Confusing your users, you both do it well,
I serve data with your sequel, which is called GraphQL
I'm fast and I'm agile and I'm the new champ
Now it's time to put you two genies back in your LAMP

Yo Wordpress, yo Drupal, you wish you were me
Instead you're Tweedle Dum and his friend Tweedle Dee.
You wanted to be headless, fine... "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"
I'm the Red Queen, you bitches, and you are both dead.